Men Are Just Happier People

[427TJ]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


NICKNAMES
• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Matt, Dave and Bill go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
• When the bill arrives, Matt, Dave and Bill will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[CC Rider]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

This will be posted on the fridge.

[Chateau Slate 66]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

[x Baldwin Motion]

[ QUOTE ]
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This will be posted on the fridge.

[/ QUOTE ]


post it right next to this phone message for the wife;

Someone from the Guyna College called. They said the Pabst beer is normal.

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggthumpup.gif

[WILMASBOYL78]

Forwarded this to Karen....her response was... "and your point is??"

next case http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Dog427435]

This is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Mass Transportation. This was serious and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II-- a mere 65 years ago... http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ooo.gif

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1 - Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they are less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2 - When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3 - General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4 - Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5 - Stress at the outset the importance of time - the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6 - Give the female employees a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7 - Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8 - Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9 - Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10 - Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11 - Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

[427TJ]

Priceless. I love the "cantankerous and fussy" line.

[L89DRMR]

I liked "husky" and "just a little on the heavy side." Too bad for the skinny ones.

[PeteLeathersac]

I read this one on another site a few days ago...

TRUE LOVE EXPERIMENT
Lock both your wife and dog in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is happy to see you?

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/beers.gif
~ Pete

[Canuck]

Why It's Good
To Be a Man!



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Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can kill your own food.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

One Wallet, one belt, same color, all year.

Your ass is not a factor in a job interview.























All in All...
It's GREAT Being a Man!!

[BJCHEV396]

FUNNY STUFF!!!!