Monday Morning Fun....

[SSJunkie68-69]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and
hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place...

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his.. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said,
'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .

Wait for it.

It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?


She says:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Xplantdad]

That's too funny Tom! http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/headbang.gif

[Mr70]

I see..

[mockingbird812]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

[CC Rider]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

[PeteLeathersac]

Was her name perhaps Iris?.
Sounds like she taught him a few things also had a good pupil..
I hope he didn't catch anything else!.

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
~ Pete

[m22mike]

I seem to remember a joke like that....the punch line was "I'll keep an eye out for you"...don't remember the joke http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[mockingbird812]

Yeah Mike, it doesn't surprise me that you FORGOT the joke! http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[SSJunkie68-69]

Here's some other stuff that someone sent me........

Our Social Mentality

1. Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER????????????????/

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98 or XP, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a
car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm
a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) ... in other words send this to everyone. We all need to smile every
once in a while.

[FANTASY FACTORY]

8. Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Uniform packaging act ended this about 10 years ago.
hot dogs and franks are now 2oz, each making 8 weeners to a 1 lb package.

[ORIGLS6]

[ QUOTE ]
I seem to remember a joke like that....the punch line was "I'll keep an eye out for you"...don't remember the joke http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I remember that one. http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif Remind me at the Reunion. Not something I'll post here. http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif

[jannes_z-28]

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

Maybe someone swallowed the package and then sued Delta for pain in the but when it eventually came out.

Jan

[SSJunkie68-69]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

'Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go Dave.'

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering:

'Dave ................................,

Dave................................,




YOU'RE A VETERINARIAN, YOU SICK BASTARD!'

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