Actual 911 calls

[Lynn]

Dispatcher
: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?



Caller: I heard what sounded like
gunshots coming from the brown house on
the
corner.



Dispatcher: Do you have an
address?



Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks,
why?



.....................



Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What
is your emergency?



Caller : Someone broke into my house and took
a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich .



Dispatcher : Excuse
me?



Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on
the
kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a
bite
out of it.



Dispatcher : Was anything else
taken?



Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm

sick and
tired of
it!



........................



Dispatcher: 9-1-1
What is the nature of your emergency?



Caller: I'm trying to reach
nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on
it.



Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.



Caller: I
thought you just said it was nine-one-one



Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.



Caller: Honey, I
may be old, but I'm not
stupid.



......................................




Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your
emergency?



Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions
are
only two minutes apart



Dispatcher: Is this her first
child?



Caller: No, you idiot! This is her
husband!



............................................







Dispatcher:
9-1-1



Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all
out of
breath. Darn....I
think I'm going to pass out.



Dispatcher:
Sir, where are you calling from?



Caller: I'm at a pay phone.
North and Foster.



Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way.
Are you an asthmatic?



Caller: No



Dispatcher: What
were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?



Caller: Running from the
Police.

[PeteLeathersac]

Not 9-1-1 related but here's another funny I read this morning..


A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he hears his wife:

"What would you like for dinner love...chicken, beef or lamb?"

He says "thank you sweetheart, I'd prefer the chicken please."

"Fxxx off, you're having soup...I was talking to the cat!"




<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/beers.gif
~ Pete

[Rixls6]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: PeteLeathersac</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Not 9-1-1 related but here's another funny I read this morning..


A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he hears his wife:

&quot;What would you like for dinner love...chicken, beef or lamb?&quot;

He says &quot;thank you sweetheart, I'd prefer the chicken please.&quot;

&quot;Fxxx off, you're having soup...I was talking to the cat!&quot;




<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/beers.gif
~ Pete

</div></div>

Yep, good old soup. <<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif

[wheelhop]

A man walks into his kitchen with a duck under his arm.
He says, &quot; this is the fat pig I've been sleeping with&quot;.

The wife who's at the stove says, &quot; that's not a pig, that's a duck&quot;.

The man says, &quot; I wasn't talking to you&quot;.

[Mr70]

......................http://bestsmileys.com/lol/4.gif