Xplantdad
05-25-2006, 10:48 PM
A friend sent these to me...
<u>Flying humor</u>
Aviation Note: For those who don't know, "The Sled" is the SR-71
Blackbird spy plane from the 1960's and still the fastest airplane. In
his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high.
We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as
we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us,
they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask
for a readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments
later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered.
We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost
instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty
52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I
was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a
familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It
was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real
crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got
a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal
pause....
"Aspen, I
show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph for those who don't know)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
--------------------------------------------------
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to
get up to 60,000 feet?
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go
up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
-------------------------------------
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot
responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator
replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
--------------------------------------------
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army Blackhawk
helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call
sign"broomstick one".
And
they say the Army has no sense of humor!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta
351:"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out,
turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute
little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee
pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it
out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough
parts for another one."
--------------------------------------------------
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two behind a
B-52
that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded
seven-engine approach."
----------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
--------------------------------------------------
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new
pilot."
--------------------------------------------------
"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?
<u>Flying humor</u>
Aviation Note: For those who don't know, "The Sled" is the SR-71
Blackbird spy plane from the 1960's and still the fastest airplane. In
his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high.
We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as
we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us,
they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask
for a readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments
later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered.
We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost
instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty
52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I
was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a
familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It
was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real
crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got
a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal
pause....
"Aspen, I
show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph for those who don't know)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
--------------------------------------------------
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to
get up to 60,000 feet?
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go
up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
-------------------------------------
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot
responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator
replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
--------------------------------------------
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army Blackhawk
helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call
sign"broomstick one".
And
they say the Army has no sense of humor!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta
351:"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out,
turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute
little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee
pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it
out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough
parts for another one."
--------------------------------------------------
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two behind a
B-52
that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded
seven-engine approach."
----------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
--------------------------------------------------
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new
pilot."
--------------------------------------------------
"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?