Tuesday Joke

[Ngtflyr]

Sometime in the future, George Bush has a heartattack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the Devil.

"You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept resurfacing over and over and over, gasping for air. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room.

In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time, and more rocks appeared. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door.

In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms over his head and his legs in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said... "Monica, you're free to go!"

[427TJ]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

[JQ]

http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/haha.gif

[Kim_Howie]

NOT VERY FUNNY http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsdown.gif

[Kim_Howie]

I thought we were DONE with this crap!!!

[Lynn]

I heard virtually the same joke, but the new dead guy was OJ. Hey, at least that would make it less political.

BTW, if you like lawyer jokes (and I do) here is a good one:

The Duck and the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of afence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the stomach sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

[Eddie M.]

Bill Clinton was going on a trip to Hawaii and Hillary wanted to go so Bill says you can go but your gonna have to do the oral thing so she thinks about it and decides ok I'll do it she gets on her knees and starts going at it pretty soon she stops and looks up at Bill and says boy this taste like crap Bill says yeah I know Al gore wanted to go to.

[x Baldwin Motion]

[ QUOTE ]
I thought we were DONE with this crap!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

there must be something in the water. http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsdown.gif

[SSJunkie68-69]

Here's one that does not cross the political line.....

Horse, a Chicken & a Harley


On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom were best friends
and loved to play together.
One day as the two were playing the horse fell into a bog and began to
sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the
farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he
searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail. The farmer had
gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of
rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's Harley,
the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and
when the farmer returned he was none the wiser.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented forever: Best
Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit and soon began to
sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment - then walked over and straddled the large
puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab on to his unit and
then he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out,
saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there's a moral!)

When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up
Chicks!

[Eddie M.]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do,and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, His father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on His study table four objects:
a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky and
a Playboy magazine
I'll just hide behind the door," the old Preacher said to himself,"when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up."
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to! be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But If he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasing' bum."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna run for Congress!"

[Mr70]

Zsa Zsa Gabor,sitting with a cat in her lap asks Johnny Carson if he would like to pet her Pussy....Carson replies,"OK..move the cat".
Hi Ohhhhhhh! http://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Eddie M.]

LMAO good one Rick....what about the gal who's husband played golf and Johnny asked her what she did for her husband to have good luck her answer was kiss his balls I never did see that one but I guess Johnny was pretty much speechless

[rafbody]

I thought Johnny replied with "I bet that makes his putter flutter"