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Charley Lillard 07-31-2015 01:16 PM

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a
black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman."
"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the
lake as soon as we bury his wife."

marxjunk 07-31-2015 02:47 PM

Re: joke
funny...prob true somewhere in the midwest or south

dale68z 08-01-2015 07:24 PM

Re: joke

Canuck 08-17-2015 05:01 PM

Re: joke
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.&quot;Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?&quot;&quot;Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.&quot;

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, &quot;It looks like you have seen a lot of action.&quot;

&quot;Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.&quot;

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
&quot;You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.&quot;
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, &quot;You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?&quot;

&quot;1955, ma'am.&quot;

&quot;Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to &quot;relax&quot; him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,

&quot;Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.&quot;

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
&quot;I hope not; it's only 2130 now.&quot;

(Gotta love military time)

Mr70 08-17-2015 05:38 PM

Re: joke
A man was sunbathing on a nude beach with his hat covering his lower section.
A nude woman walked by and snapped,&quot;If you were a gentleman,you would've tipped your hat to me&quot;.
The man replied,&quot;Lady,if you were more attractive,the hat would've tipped itself&quot;.

427TJ 08-17-2015 05:39 PM

Re: joke
Bob Hope's last words, to his wife when she asked him where he wanted to be buried: &quot;Surprise me.&quot;

Funny to the very end.

Keith Seymore 08-18-2015 11:50 AM

Re: joke
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 427TJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Bob Hope's last words, to his wife when she asked him where he wanted to be buried: &quot;Surprise me.&quot;

Funny to the very end. </div></div>

I've heard that attributed to Yogi Berra.

Maybe he was a Bob Hope fan.

Or not. If he wasn't then we certainly couldn't stop him.


427TJ 08-19-2015 04:40 AM

Re: joke
A Drug Enforcement Administration offcier stops at a local ranch.

He talks with the old rancher and tells him, &quot; I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs&quot;.
The rancher says, &quot;All right, but do not go in that field over there,&quot; as he points out the location.
The DEA officer explodes saying, &quot;Listen here, I have the authority of the federal government right here!&quot;
Reaching into his rear pants pocket the DEA agent pulls out his government badge and holds it in the rancher's face.
&quot;See this f***ing badge? This f***ing badge means I am allowed to go on any land at any time without your permission or anyone else's! If I want to go in that field over there I will! Now have I made myself clear?&quot;

The rancher nods and goes about his chores.

A short time later the old rancher hears loud yelling, looks up, and sees the DEA officer running full-speed in front of the farmer's angry bull.
With every step the officer takes the bull gains two.
Seconds before the bull catches up to the DEA officer the rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells:

&quot;Your badge! Show him your f***ing badge!&quot;

L72copocamaro 08-20-2015 02:45 AM

Re: joke
That's great!

bbbentley 08-20-2015 03:32 AM

Re: joke
An old gent strolls into a Chevy dealer and buys a new Corvette. As he leaves, he has the top down and is impressed by the car's performance. As he enters the Xpressway he gives her a little nudge on the gas. Quickly he reaches 110mph, his hair, what little there is, wisping in the wind. He says to himself,&quot;this is great.&quot; Almost as quick, he comes to his senses and starts slowing the car down, muttering that he must be crazy to go that fast. Too late though, he sees the lights of a trooper in his rear view mirror. The trooper approaches and says, &quot;Listen, it is Friday and I am just getting off shift and looking forward to my weekend. If you can give one good reason why you were going that fast back there, I will let you go and not give you a citation!&quot; The old gent thinks for a second and then says, &quot;Well, 10 years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back!!&quot; [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/laugh.gif[/img]

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