A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

Aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner.

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble ... but shouldn't that be an even number?

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you fall in love with someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Now, don’t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?

If you a own shoe and live in Wisconsin,the Green Bay Packers would like to talk with you.

A nun gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.


He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."







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Last 5 seconds is one of the funniest lines ever.

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, "You got to sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."

So the cowboy did this religiously everyday and sure enough he lived to the right old age of 96.

He left behind four children, eight grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to install the light bulb and three to complain that it's electric.