Time to lighten up a little!!
 

GOODNIGHT TO MOM

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
----------------------------------------------------
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bi#ch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat a$$ downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car...



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Stock Market Quote of the Week
 

"This is worse than a divorce...I've lost half my net worth and I still have my wife."

Re: Stock Market Quote of the Week
 

I like that one Dave,been hearing it alot lately. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e3e869020f.gif

Re: Stock Market Quote of the Week
 

[ QUOTE ]
"This is worse than a divorce...I've lost half my net worth and I still have my wife."

[/ QUOTE ]

https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/hmmm.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/grin.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/hmmm.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/crazy.gif

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

I just heard this one from the truck driver that delivered this AM!

The bank suffers an armed robbery and a guard is shot.

The gunman goes up to one of the people and ask,"Did you see what I did?"

The person replies,"Yes, I did." The gunman immediately shot the person in the head.

The gunman goes up to a second person and ask the same question, "Did you see what I did?"

The second person answers with hesitation, "Yes, yes I did." The gunman shot the second person in the head.

The gunman goes up to a third person and asked the same question,"Did you see what I did?"

The third person replied, "No sir, I did not see a thing, but my wife saw every bit of it!!!" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/blush.gif

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

What is the Capital of Iceland

About $3.50

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

"Sorry honey but it's inventory time at the dealership so looks like I'll be stuck working late again tonight..
And the new parts helper still hasn't learned where the Johnson rods go so don't bother calling me there as I'll probably be in the middle of something anyway!".

http://images42.fotki.com/v1315/phot...505/014-vi.jpg

https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...emlins/eek.gif
~ Pete

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

Aw platform high heels. I really miss those!! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...iggthumpup.gif

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he
asked her how she liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get
the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

Re: Time to lighten up a little!!
 

Too funny Glenn!