Time for a little humor, lexophile style.

[Lynn]

- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Police were called to a day care, where a three-year-old was resisting arest.
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's allright now.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
- The butcher backed up into the meat grinder, and got a little behind inhis work.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.- When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
- The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium atlarge.
- A thief who stole a calendar.. got twelve months.
- A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardenedcriminal.
- Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
- We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shakyground.
- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Countthat votes.
- A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
- If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
- A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in LinoleumBlownapart.
- You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
- He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- A calendar's days are numbered.- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
- If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.- Acupuncture: a jab well done.
- A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine..

[CC Rider]

[GRB]

I like 'em. But as I slowly read them to my wife she threatened to leave the room if I didn't stop!

[Lynn]

[ QUOTE ]
I like 'em. But as I slowly read them to my wife she threatened to leave the room if I didn't stop!

[/ QUOTE ]

Your welcome!

[GRB]

Well, I'm back now to finish them off!

[x Baldwin Motion]

[ QUOTE ]
I like 'em. But as I slowly read them to my wife she threatened to leave the room if I didn't stop!

[/ QUOTE ]

I tried that, she wouldn't leave, just turned up the TV.

[SSJunkie68-69]

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good
manners,
asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner w ith a nice young
lady,how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll
be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at
the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us
your
good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
you
to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.

[SSjeff427]

I don't care who you are, that's funny!