![]() Dedicated to the Promotion and Preservation of American Muscle Cars, Dealer built Supercars and COPO cars. |
|
Register | Album Gallery | Thread Gallery | FAQ | Members List | Calendar | Become a Paid Member | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
![]() |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
#1
|
|||
|
|||
![]() ![]() <font color="blue"> Things people actually said in court, word for word. </font> __________________________________________________ _________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. __________________________________________________ __________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ --- And the best for last: ---> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
Mike Fabian ![]() |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
![]()
This is just a sampling ... this banter goes on all day with witnesses, it's a wonder we ever get out of court!
I particularly like that last statement!!! ![]() |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
![]()
Depositions are super hilarious. Especially when half the attorneys at the table are asleep and one of them is on your team!! At least several perps on the other side are in dreamland too.
![]() And when one of them starts talking in his sleep..... ![]() The hilarity never stops. |
#4
|
||||
|
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Now I know why Karen doesn't like telling people she's a lawyer... ![]() wilma
__________________
02 Berger 380hp #95 Lots of L78 Novas Join National Nostalgic Nova! 70 Orange Cooler 69 Camaro |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
![]()
[ QUOTE ]
![]() ![]() ![]() Now I know why Karen doesn't like telling people she's a lawyer... ![]() wilma [/ QUOTE ] And "She's" a Good Kind of Lawyer......(If there is such a thing)...... ![]() Ken
__________________
![]() The Best things in life......Aren't Things |
![]() |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|