Christmas memo.

[budnate]

Howdy, a little humor, fairly right on for the Seattle area anymore. I do not want to offend anyone if you are religious you may want to pass, it is very light reading.



Subject: Holiday luncheon memo


December 1st

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December
23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will
be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band
playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows
up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas
tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

>-------------------------------------------------------------------

December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with
Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However,
from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa
at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas
carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director


>----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from
member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table
that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous
anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange--
no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous
to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each
other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each
will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower
arrangement
for the gay men's table.
Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director


>--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended
by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the
anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
there
is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces


>----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 10th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!!
We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit
whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the
table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put
it,
and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes.
But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream.
I'm hearing them right now... Ha!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

>-------------------------------------------------------------------

December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis
a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll
continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon
of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

[Belair62]

This is actually the wat it is now !!