Application for Permission to Date my Daughter

[Lynn]

At Steve's (nuch ss396) request, here is the application I had two guys fill out before they could take my daughter out. Pretty fun (for me at least).

Application for Permission to Date my Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________ ________________
DRIVERS LICENSE#__________________________________________ _______________
BOY SCOUT RANK:_____________________________________________ _____________
HOME ADDRESS:__________________________________________ __________________
CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? __________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? __________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________

Congregation you attend:___________________________________________ ____
How often do you attend?___________________________________________ ______
When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers)__________________________________________ _________
__________________________________________________ _______________________

What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

"If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is __________________________________________________ _______________________
"If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ __________________________________________________ _______________________
"A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
"The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ __________________________________________________ _______________________
"When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ __________________________________________________ _______________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.



____________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.

BTW, this is on the net at:

http://www.freemaninstitute.com/dateapp.htm

[Mr70]

Dan Vasic will need a copy of this in 18 years..

[mrtimstik]

Printing copies as soon as I'm done typing this.

[GM-26]

That is excellent!

[Z-11 396]

[ QUOTE ]
Dan Vasic will need a copy of this in 18 years.. .. MY SON WILL NEED THIS IN 10 YEARS OR SOONER, THE WAY KIDS GROW UP NOW DAYS,,, ...KASEY

[nuch_ss396]

As I mentioned before, my oldest daughter is 16.

These go into use as of today!!

What's that son, you say you want to take my daughter to
the movies?!

Why don't you sit down for a few minutes and
fill-out this permission sheet. If you answer
any questions incorrectly................

Thanks Lynn!

Steve

[Lynn]

[ QUOTE ]
As I mentioned before, my oldest daughter is 16.

These go into use as of today!!

What's that son, you say you want to take my daughter to
the movies?!

Why don't you sit down for a few minutes and
fill-out this permission sheet. If you answer
any questions incorrectly................

Thanks Lynn!

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

No problem Steve. It was actually pretty funny. I had shown it to my daughter when she was about 12, and told her that any prospective boyfriends would have to fill it out. Kind of took the pressure off of her, because when she was 15 and guys started asking her out, she didn't have to come up with an excuse if she didn't want to go. She would just say, "you have to come to my house and fill out an application for my Dad." Needless to say, if they didn't have "good intentions" they didn't make it to the house for the interview.

She brought the first guy over, a kind of shy, clean cut kid named David. After about 2 or three minutes filling it out, I went over, put my hand on his shoulder and asked if he were nervous. "No, not at all" was his quick response. I said, "Hmm, that's funny because you misspelled Oklahoma City!" We had a good laugh.

I also had a rule that any guy that came to pick her up absolutely was not honking the horn. He was required to come to the door. My daughter is 23 now, and was married last July to a guy who is so respectful to her. Over the last 8 years I have seen her dump guy after guy the first time they treated her disrespectfully. She just wouldn't put up with it, and boy did that make me proud of her. You have to understand also, that she holds a special place in the family. I am one of four boys, and all my brothers had only boys. My first two kids were boys. My poor Mom thought she would never get a granddaughter. In fact she was the first girl Bilodeau (related to me) born in something like 40 years!!! Of course, I still think she is special, and not just because she changes her own oil, can do her own brake job and likes to help me with projects. Sure do miss having her around since she got married.

Lynn

[Late BrakeU2]

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
"Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com/"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[J_D]

Very good ! ! ! !

I told my step daughter that she couldn't date until after she was married.

I continue to tell her two daughters (my granddaughters) the same thing.

[WILMASBOYL78]

I remember dads like you guys when I was dating.....

wilma