Silly stuff to make you laugh...

[Motion Camaro]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.



"'ol Harold"

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over.
Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
"An, ID ten T error?
What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold.




<font color="blue">A COUPLE FOR THE WOMEN </font>

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)



(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)



( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)



And the personal favorite:



8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?


(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)






Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !




One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt,
seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied.. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you...."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."