John Kerry findings

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News release:
John Kerry today assumed possession of the desk Ted Kennedy used for his many years in the senate.

After opening the drawer he produced the items left behind by the late senator which included:

An autographed copy of the book
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!: Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley.

One box of Trojan extra small condoms with two missing.

One half empty bottle of Chivas Regal 12 year old whisky With the words “Teddy’s little bottle of courage” written on it.

A 1987 stained and tattered copy of playboy.

A picture of Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd performing a “Waitress Sandwich” on a very young girl. The handwritten caption reads “1965 Wellesley College, boy did Chis and I have a blast with this H. Rodham chick”.

Rust covered keys and keychain for a 1967 Oldsmobile with the note tag that reads “Mom’s car, must get water damage cleaned”.

Kerry promised to try his best to continue the Legacy of the “Liar of the Senate” as he quickly swept the items back into the desk, except for one of the condoms which he deftly put in his wallet. “You never know when you might get lucky” he drawled with a quick wink to the young female reporter in the crowd.