I stole this off Chevelles.com..funny read..

[Charley Lillard]

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and often dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stanger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait til morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do-It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture that you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the CampFire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

[Mr70]

Everyone one of those is a great example of Mankinds own Humor at it's Zenith,if only upstaged by the person telling it.

There was a recent Hilarious incident on the New HWD Squares,which is a rarity today. There was a Tie.
And Contest O needed Gilbert Godfried for the Win.
Gilbert fooled the Contestant,the contestant lost the square & Gilbert shouted,"YOU FOOL!" All burst out in Laughter.
Contestant X then had the opportunity to Win with a correct answer from Gilbert Godfried.Gilbert fooled him also & shouted out afterwards,"YOU FOOL!"
Back to contestant O,who Gilbert did the same thing & shouted out,"YOU FOOL!" in that annoying Nasal Voice of his.(Voice of the AFLAC Insurance Duck)
This repeated back & forth between the two contestants & Gilbert 9 continious times,until they found a winner.
The Celebrities were laughing so hard they were speechless & falling out of their chairs.The crew was in stitches,the Host couldn't contain himself & Gilbert was unable to Shout anymore.
It was priceless!

[JoeG]

Funny one liners...