Jiffy Lube

[Salvatore]

Hey I change oil on the side. I will even clean your windows. I fill up old gas cans and have my son dump them at the garage he works at. I love getting greasy!

[Canuck]

"OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN"

1. Pull up to Speedy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the
last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money Spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00
----------------
Total $21.00
----------------

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check
for $50.00.

2. Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive
home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to
avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
back yard instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.

27. Drink beer.

28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
gas.

29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.

30. Drink beer.

31. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33. Begin cussing fit.

34. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.

36. Beer.

37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.

38. Beer.

39. Beer.

40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41. Beer.

42. Lower car from jack stands.

43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.

45. Beer.

46. Test drive car.

47. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48. Car gets impounded.

49. Call loving wife, make bail.

50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money Spent:

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00
------------------
Total $4165.00
------------------

But you know the job was done right!

I used to do my own oil on the daily drivers (Yukon) Tried it once on my 95 Mercedes and found it need a special wrench to replace filter. Nobody touches the "collection" but me.

[DarrenX33]

[ QUOTE ]
I love getting greasy!

[/ QUOTE ] Are you sure about that? I figure you as more of a supervisor. You ain't getting greasy from that far away.

[SuperNovaSS]

That was very funny!

[JoeG]

Funny ---Guess it must be a little more expensive changing oil on the Mercedes----------Imported beer.

[Salvatore]

Hey Darren, No one will get greasy on that Yenko!! Besides my wife is the Super around here!

[DarrenX33]

Just pulling your leg Sam. Your the best.

[tom406]

My cousin briefly worked for one of the major oil change places. He was explicitly instructed in the artful recycling of your existing oil filter and even oil into your own car (Best for the environment AND the shop's bottom line!). He left shortly thereafter.

I hate changing oil on the daily drivers as well. I use a trusted shop that also does all my wheel/tire stuff.

There is one chain here, Oil Can Henry's, that has kind of a neat approach. You stay in your car, they give you a paper to read if you want it, and there's a video monitor of the tech doing the work to your car. So if you see something you don't like, you can take it up with them right there. They're spendy, but still under $30, IIRC.

[Canuck]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arPAa...ed&search=

More Oil change antics

[Canuck]

[ QUOTE ]
Funny ---Guess it must be a little more expensive changing oil on the Mercedes----------Imported beer.

[/ QUOTE ]

My new car, a 2005 E55 requires oil changes at 10,000 mile intervals. Had one done last fall and the bill was $300.00.
It has no dipstick, all levels are read electronicly. I found a part number for "measuring device" read dipstick. Price $150.00.
My wife had a 2003 Volvo XC, everytime I would try a quick lube place they would never have the correct filter. wasted more time in lineups only to have to book it at the dealer for 30 minutes work.

I used to be a partner in a transmission business and I know what it take to do a proper trans service. It sure as heck cant be done at a quick lube joint.