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  #21  
Old 08-26-2015, 12:52 PM
earntaz earntaz is offline
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When the Gov decided my pay check would be delivered in Texas, we had to learn the language. Examples are as -- "Jury" is not what you would find in a court of law but rather jewelry worn by a lady. "Trays" were not something you see at Lubys but rather those tall green things with brown centers. "Tars" -- well we already talked about that. And on and on and on ... TAZ
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  #22  
Old 08-26-2015, 09:13 PM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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After a long day of fishing, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have a sandwich and a cold drink.


After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.


I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators."


I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.
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  #23  
Old 08-26-2015, 09:48 PM
earntaz earntaz is offline
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Absolutely copy that !!! It is pure hell at my age when the eye teeth are floatin' ... TAZ
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  #24  
Old 08-27-2015, 12:28 AM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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Not working?



So after a long day at work I come home to an empty house. I proceed to the kitchen where I find a note on the fridge from my girlfriend.

"this isn't working, I'm sorry but I just can't take it, I'm going to go live with my mother"

But then I opened the fridge the light came on and the beer was cold. What the hell was she talking about?
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  #25  
Old 08-28-2015, 02:47 AM
earntaz earntaz is offline
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I've finally found my place in life. I believe I like it!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance (pensions).
I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
Life is great.
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  #26  
Old 08-31-2015, 05:53 PM
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back — wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower
than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!”
the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time”, the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
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  #27  
Old 08-31-2015, 07:47 PM
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Xplantdad Xplantdad is offline
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LOL....Nice!
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  #28  
Old 09-01-2015, 02:08 PM
earntaz earntaz is offline
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A bit of humor for fellow military types -- TAZ

http://undertheradar.military.com/20...?ESRC=under.sm
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  #29  
Old 09-02-2015, 02:39 PM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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Avocados
A wife asks her
husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy
one carton of milk and if
they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with
6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy
6 cartons of
milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
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  #30  
Old 09-02-2015, 04:24 PM
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Mr70 Mr70 is offline
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Today I watched my dog chase his own tail and thought,Wow dogs are easily entertained.
Then I realized I've been watching my dog chase his own tail.
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