joke - Page 7

**67 Nova Boy** · #61 11-21-2015, 01:58 AM

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: earntaz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined. The governments don't know where to start providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

The USA is sending troops to help keep the peace.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending clothing.

New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

Great Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.

God Bless GREAT BRITAIN. Darn those Brits are smart!
</div></div>

LOL!!!

Dave
67 Nova Boy

**427TJ** · #62 12-10-2015, 07:55 PM

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on eBay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on eBay) and put it in the center of the yard.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I've never felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month.

**earntaz** · #63 12-10-2015, 08:51 PM

Damn Bill -- that sounds like a plan! Just as long as Snowdon doesn't ask to rent a room ...

**427TJ** · #64 12-10-2015, 09:16 PM

Another favorite, possible already posted here.

Once upon a time an airline pilot asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?"

The princess said, "No!!!!"

And the airline pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank German beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never had to pay child support or alimony and kept his house and cars and guns and ate cold leftover meals potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The End.

**m22mike** · #65 12-11-2015, 12:53 AM

Good one..... [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/beers.gif[/img]

**Lynn** · #66 12-11-2015, 02:17 AM

Just for the record, apparently you can buy a confederate flag on ebay.

Confederate Flag

While I would never fly one, I certainly believe all Americans have the right to.

I could not find one isis flag on ebay. Lots of anti isis flags.

**m22mike** · #67 12-14-2015, 06:29 PM

When your over 70, and some of us are.. [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/crazy.gif[/img]...and some of us are darn close... [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/no.gif[/img]\

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT

ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of

cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yea, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yea, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches. . . but when you are pushing seventy. . . who gives a shit?

&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&a mp;

Cowboy:

"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier:

"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy:

"Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are pushing (or over) over seventy, who gives a shit

&*&&&&&&&&&amp ;&&&&&&&&&&amp ;&&&&&&&&&&amp ;&&&&&&&&

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds,

had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.

" I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit

&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was

born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come

on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit

&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit

&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&

I went to the pub last night and saw a FAT chick dancing on a table. I said,

"Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit

**earntaz** · #68 12-14-2015, 10:28 PM

Mike -- I am also a retired USAF/DoD Aircraft Maintainer, over 70 years old ... and those are damn good ones ... LMAO ... TAZ

**Charley Lillard** · #69 01-01-2016, 01:48 PM

A husband and wife were Christmas shopping in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and since they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone.The wife said "Where are you,you know we have lots to do?" He said "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago....the one where you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you, remember that place? Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied. He said, "Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

**earntaz** · #70 01-01-2016, 03:35 PM

HeHeHe --- good one!

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