joke

[earntaz]

Both good ones ... [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

[marxjunk]

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears: &quot; Ribbit 9 Iron.&quot;

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, &quot;Ribbit 9 Iron.&quot; He looks
at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits his ball 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, &quot;Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?&quot;

The frog replies, &quot;Ribbit Lucky frog.&quot;

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

&quot;What do you think frog?&quot; the man asks.

&quot;Ribbit 3 wood.&quot;

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! A Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know
what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog; &quot;OK where to next?&quot;

The frog replies; &quot;Ribbit Las Vegas.&quot;

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says; &quot;OK frog, now what?&quot;

The frog says, &quot;Ribbit Roulette.&quot;

Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, &quot;What do you think I should
bet?&quot;

The frog replies, &quot;Ribbit $3000, black 6.&quot;

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, &quot;Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.&quot;

The frog replies; &quot;Ribbit KissMe.&quot;

The man figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

&quot;And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God--
or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.&quot;

[flyingn]

HA! Good one!

[earntaz]

HeHe -- excellent!!

[Charley Lillard]

https://biggeekdad.com/2016/10/how-russians-carpool/

[earntaz]

Good thing no one passed any gas ...

[Charley Lillard]

https://biggeekdad.com/2015/04/how-r...oss-the-river/

[Lynn]

God says to Adam: It is not good for you to be alone. You need a helper, but it's going to cost you.

What would you like?

Adam: Hmmm, how about a beautiful woman with a great attitude. Wakes up every day with a smile on her face ready to go. Loves intimacy (you told me it would be great once I discover it, right?) and can't wait to please me. Works hard, loves to prepare the best meals possible, cleans like you wouldn't believe, and can't wait to hear my next funny story. What would that cost me?

God: Looks like that's going to be an arm and a leg.


Adam:





What can I get for a rib?

[markinnaples]

Bwahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Charley Lillard]

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.




Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ' Steve’s Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.


I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'


'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'