joke

[parkbrau]

Crazy.

[Lee Stewart]

[Too Many Projects]

Remember, next time you hate your life, it's all about perspective.

I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time.......

yet complains about how much he hates prison.

[Too Many Projects]

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently
attending a church service at their retirement village.


About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen
and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed
it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think
I should do?"

Frank scribbled back:


"Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

[Too Many Projects]

Ole and Sven were fishing in Minnesota when Sven pulled out a cigar.



Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

[Lynn]

Warning: Adult Content.

Mods feel free to delete if this is too risque'

This is the story of Corky. Corky was a regular guy in almost all respects. You see, the reason he was tagged with that nickname (Corky) was the unusual shape of a certain appendage. Yes, his johnson was shaped like a cork screw.

His entire adult life, he felt frustrated. He just didn’t think he fit in; at least not a snugly as he thought it should be. The frustration continued for years. He heard rumors of a gal in the deepest part of the jungle in Africa that had a ... hmm, shall we say a certain body part peculiar to females that was... you guessed it, shaped like a cork screw. At first he just dismissed the rumors as folk lore. Come on, what are the odds? After reading an issue of National Geographic at the Doctor’s office one day, he was convinced; she really did exist. Surely this was his soul mate.

He books plane fare to an unidentified Country in Africa. He does some investigating, and finds out where this fair maiden lives. He has to go by train for 6 hours. Then he uses a private tour guide in a Land Rover for another 4 hours. The last two hours is by foot. He also goes to the expense of getting an interpreter.

Eventually, he finds the village and identifies the girl. He and his interpreter start the difficult task of delicately broaching the subject of joining in holy .... something. Unbelievably, she is just as frustrated as him. She is game. They discuss logistics. Harness? What else are we going to need?

They come up with a plan, and the blessed evening is finally here. Then, to Corky’s surprise....










Wouldn’t you know it? Left hand threads.

[John Brown]

[Too Many Projects]

[Too Many Projects]

[John Brown]

Carjacking attempt failed because of horn button wired to make sounds of gunfire.

https://twitter.com/NeceHorn/status/...2110569074688?