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  #661  
Old 10-02-2019, 05:43 PM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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  #662  
Old 10-06-2019, 10:23 PM
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How many space heaters can you plug in at once?
Answer: No more then 2..
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Old 10-10-2019, 01:49 PM
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Her last kiss.....

Back on January 9th, a group of HELL'S ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked,"Well, before you jump, Babe . . . why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
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Old 10-11-2019, 12:23 AM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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Old 10-13-2019, 03:51 PM
Charley Lillard Charley Lillard is offline
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JOKE # 1 After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, 'Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona.' The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, 'I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser.' The bartender gives him one..

The guy from Coors says, 'I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.' He gets it.

The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, 'Give me a Coke.' The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, 'Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?'

The Molson Canadian president replies, 'Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.'

CANADIAN JOKE #2


A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under her arm.. Her friend Joan stops her and asks, 'Hey Sharon! Whacha got the case of beer for?'

'I got it for my husband, eh.' answers Sharon..

'Oh!' exclaims Joan, 'Good trade.'



CANADIAN JOKE #3


Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?

The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.



CANADIAN JOKE #4


One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU LITTLE BUGGER!!!'


CANADIAN JOKE #5


A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.
'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer.


CANADIAN JOKE #6


An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

'Well,' said the American, 'I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here'

'That's amazing!' said the one of the doctors, 'But what happened to the other two?'

'Last I saw them,' replied the American, 'the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.'



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  #666  
Old 10-13-2019, 04:13 PM
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Those are good ones Charlie! My good friend Rick Mitchell from Cambridge ONT. always reminds me, when I offer him a Bud Light, "That's Not Real Beer"
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Old 10-13-2019, 05:51 PM
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Am I getting to that age?


I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses.


A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? "


I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator."


She didn't quite know how to respond.


I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.


When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!


Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance.”


The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.


The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.


The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.


Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"


Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.


Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way.


I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.


Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.


Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
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Old 10-13-2019, 08:38 PM
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  #669  
Old 10-13-2019, 10:34 PM
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m22mike m22mike is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 67since67 View Post
Those are good ones Charlie! My good friend Rick Mitchell from Cambridge ONT. always reminds me, when I offer him a Bud Light, "That's Not Real Beer"
And he's right..all light beer is gurl beer
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Old 10-13-2019, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m22mike View Post
And he's right..all light beer is gurl beer
X2.
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