Office joke

[rafbody]

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye...that's a very popular cliche for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s*** my pants!"

HE GOT THE JOB

[427TJ]

I gotta delete this because of the language.

[Belair62]

Ix-nay on the its-tay....there's girls in the garage !!! I'm sure you meant to say sweater puppies !

[427TJ]

Yeah, I shouldn't have used the word its-tay. That was uncouth of me, sorry to the ladies in the hay-ouse.

Sweater puppies? I just about died when I read that one.

Sorry Charley.

[MrsBillyBobcat]

LOL! No problem Bill!

Here is a "blonde joke" that you'll appreciate

"First Class Blondie"

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the "blonde" problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much", hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

[427TJ]

Love that one. Here's a joke that a female flight attendant told me:


Why is it called "PMS"?


Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.


(I figure that if a woman told me that one it's okay to repeat it.)

[SamLBInj]

Want to hear a fast joke?

[SamLBInj]

Wanna hear another one?
Sam

[MrsBillyBobcat]

[ QUOTE ]
Love that one. Here's a joke that a female flight attendant told me:


Why is it called "PMS"?


Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.



[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!

Thought you would like that blonde joke.

Sam, go ahead and tell us your joke(s)!

Rita

[SamLBInj]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Love that one. Here's a joke that a female flight attendant told me:


Why is it called "PMS"?


Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.



[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!

Thought you would like that blonde joke.

Sam, go ahead and tell us your joke(s)!

Rita

[/ QUOTE ]

The Americans and Russians wanted to put an end to the cold war and figure out a way to declare a winner without getting into a nuclear holicost.
After a 4 day Summit of getting nowhere they finally agreed that in 7 years to the day, they would have a dog fight and whoevers dog won the fight would then be declared the winner and they would rule the World.
For the seven years the Russians had their top scientists breeding Pitbulls with Great Danes, and cross breeded them with Rotweilers and wolves until they had the biggest nastiest dog in the world, they only fed it raw meat with specially added proteins and vitamins and adjitated him by constantly kicking the cage and poking at him until the dog was at a point where it would tear any other dog into little pieces.
Finally the day of the big dog fight came and waiting in the ring was this large rusted steel cage with this massive snarling and biting Russian killer dog, chewing on the solid rusty old steel bars with foam pouring out of his knarly toothed mouth. It was a terrifiing site. Then, the main door to the ring opens and in walks the Americans and on the end of their leash was a 9 foot Dachsund scurrying behind them. All the Russians broke out laughing at the site of this giant American hotdog and just knew that they had this fight in the bag and that they would soon rule the world!
The Americans walked their giant 9 foot dachsund into the ring and removed the leash. The Russians, still laughing, were standing on top of this big rusty steel cage with this huge nasting, drooling, snarling dog. Finally, the bell rang and the Russians lifted the gate to the cage and this Massive, snarling dog jumps out at the giant 9 foot dachsund. As the dog was in mid air the giant dachsund, turns, opens his mouth, and swallows the Russian dog whole. The Russians were in shock! They told the Americans that they had their best team of scientists breeding dogs and inventing nutrients and vitamins and beating him and tourmenting him for 7 years until he was the meanest nastiest dog in the world and are in total shock that the American dog just swallowed him in one bite! How could this be? they demanded. The Americans replied, it took us 7 years and our best team of plastic surgons to make an Alligator look like a dachsund....