joke

[TimG]

That is hilarious.

[SMS]

89 year old Ron Chester was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife.

[mssl72]

268809

[Lynn]

I think I have already posted ONE of these, but can't remember which one. Don't feel like reviewing 126 pages to figure it out.

1. Spell correct can be a bitch. Consider this one.

Frank sent the following text message to his next door neighbor:

Bob. I have been feeling guilty, and need to get something off my chest. For the last 6 months I have been tapping your wife. Just didn’t know how to break the news to you. Hope you can forgive me. And hope we can still be friends.

Bob goes to the master bedroom in a rage and shoots his wife dead.

Frank sends a second text a few moments later: Damn spell correct; “wifi” NOT “wife”.

2 Best auto correct story is actually a true story.

33 years ago, I was representing a young lady who was adopting her 7 year old step son. My secretary at the time was a really sweet young lady who wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but was the fastest typist I ever saw. Bless her heart, when I dictated, I had to dictate punctuation. Yes, I am that old; I used to use a dictaphone. A few years later, I just started creating at the computer myself. But I digress.

So I am proofing the final order of adoption. It was SUPPOSED to read that the new mom was taking all parental responsibility for the “...care and nurturing...” of this young man. Joyce butchered “nurturing” so badly, that it was auto corrected to read “neutering”. Thankfully, I caught the typo when proofing it. I told Joyce: “Judge Kelly may approve this order, but I think the kid is going to object!”

[Mr70]

.

[Mr70]

On January 2nd 2025,Phil learned that he was going to lose his job,was diagnosed with skin cancer and his prostrate exam was due.He drove 8-1/2 hours one way to Green Bay to watch his beloved Bears play their final game of the year after a dismal season.He got a ticket for speeding,hit a Deer as well as a flat tire.He overpaid for a game ticket seated in a sea of Packer fans and was repeatedly mocked and spit on.As the clock wound down and a loss seemed eminent,most Bear fans proceeded to their cars,but Phil stuck it out & stayed seated to witness the surprise ending...Be like Phil,not Sue & Jill. 🙂

[67since67]

.

[Billohio]

I have been looking at houses on Zillow near my Dad in Florida and ran across this. Open house might be interesting

[Too Many Projects]

Those Southern Hoes better than a Northern Hoe ???:wink:

[69PostSSChevelle]

They just have a deeper accent.

[Too Many Projects]

OK, is that where Linda Lovelace was from :naughty:

[Billohio]

I actually googled that. Says Linda was born in the Bronx and at 16 moved to Davie Florida. It is near Fort Lauderdale about 2 hours away.

[Mr70]

..

[Charley Lillard]

*AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON*

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.

Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it so I drank it.

Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.

By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller back home.

[TimG]

Good one.......

[Lynn]

So two Irish men walk out of a bar.....



Yeah, right!!!

[Too Many Projects]

So two Irish men walk out of a bar.....



Yeah, right!!!
I had a father in law who was a drunk. Driver license was history forever. He lived about 1/2 mile from "his" bar and walked most days. One day, he got the bright idea to drive his lawn tractor to the bar instead of staggering home..... yep, cops were waiting and arrested him for DUI, driving without a license and public drunkenness, and threw his ass in jail. His wife refused to go get him and he sat there until they scheduled a hearing and then called someone to take him home.

[Lynn]

Deja vu?

[Burd]

Says it all. Lmao

[Lynn]

https://www.facebook.com/reel/714276357807599

[Burd]

:drool:

[Too Many Projects]

Isn't AI wonderful ?? I wonder if those 3 ladies are aware they now have full body tattoo art ?
That Tesla actually looks way better like that...:dunno: